A Movable Mountain

A couple of Tuesday nights ago I decided to enjoy the night air and take my dog for a walk. Then with one look toward my possible future, I was immediately struck with despair. I felt as if my life had suddenly crashed down around me for good. The view that had once given me peace and serenity now appeared as an awful obstruction. My future was like a mountain whose terrain was altered overnight. I had zero energy left to finish my climb and even less hope of ever seeing what was on the other side. Feelings of abandonment and betrayal began to consume me; all my hopes felt as if they had been thrown from its peak. This mountain had been created upon deep love, friendship, and a lot of promises. It offered all the happiness I had longed for my entire adult life, but now the face of it had changed forever.


When I lived in Arizona, I experienced my first true betrayal. Last night I realized that Arizona was the place that yet another betrayal would develop. Sometimes I wish the following song were true: 

"There Ain't No Arizona."

If there was

A grand canyon

She could fill it up with the lies he's told her

But they don't exist

Those dreams he sold her

She'll wake up and find

There is no Arizona

(Might I also add, the devil may have gone to Georgia looking for a soul to steal, but he went to Arizona and struck up a few deals!)


My time living in Arizona had presented an expedition to climb a mountain which required experienced climbers. Unfortunately, that was a climb from which my marriage would never recover. About a year ago Arizona introduced a similar expedition, this time I had experience. I thought it would help.


When the journey began I was not alone. Two of us prepared by gearing up to climb this mountain together with determination. We did not seek to merely survive but to bring both our hopes to fruition. Surely I felt that the monsoons and falling rocks were nothing compared to what we would receive upon completion. To me, it seemed worth every step. What we were experiencing was purely circumstantial and we would not and should not be taken down by a few detours or storms. But as storms can do, they began to greatly alter our path and the mountain's terrain. All the experience, equipment, and expectations were proven to be less than adequate.Then the two of us began to slip and slip fast. We both made mistakes but the betrayal I would eventually realize would be equal to a second fall. However, this fall would be from a higher height and from a much different terrain. I had not been 100% sure that I would be able survive.


Yet here I am, dressed with fresh bandages from the appropriate medical care. While I had fallen from a great height, I did not fall all the way to my impending death. Through my loving care givers and the ultimate Care Giver, I have begun to realize that now I can finally see! Unbeknownst, to me, my mountain had begun to move! It occurred to me that I was rescued and would not have to continue this second climb. This reveals that His Word is true: He moves mountains without their knowing it and overturns them with His anger. (Job 9:5) 


You see, even if you have very little faith, you can say to the mountain MOVE and it will be moved! (paraphrased from Matthew 17:20) I had prayed that my ties would be released from this second climber who had left me alone with inadequate equipment while he continued his climb. Having been filled with a vision of my next resting point I was willing to continue. One of my true sisters and care giver related the story of the Lone Survivor to me. She explained that as these Seals journeyed to the next peak where they would find communication abilities for rescue. Upon arrival they quickly realized the plateau was false and it would lead the remaining survivor, the Lone Survivor, to journey the treacherous terrain alone. Make no mistake, I am no Marcus Luttrell or Navy Seal. But I know first hand what it feels like to be the lone survivor in a relationship, the one that put hope in the next spot only to find that it was false.


I still have a lot more to say about my expedition and the mountains I have had before me, but I will save it for another day. For now I leave you with this: When I began that second climb it was done with and FOR THE LOVE: Fear, Offense, Rejection, Tears, Helplessness, Emotion, Loneliness, Oppression, Vulnerability, Emptiness. But now that I can finally see, it is still going to be done with and FOR THE LOVE from a proper view point through: Faith, Optimism, Redemption, Thankfulness, Hope, Expectation, Love, Openness, Victory, Enthusiasm! Having experienced this climb before it was my belief that I had the proper perspective and expectation to safely make this journey.


It is my hope that you too may find healing in this and be able to see that mountains can actually be moved. Please stay with me as I continue to reveal what I have been shown on my journey, and as I look forward to the healing while embracing the care.

For His Glory,
Rachele

Every Rose Has Its Thorn

Today as I grieve the loss of a long time childhood friend, I understand why it is important to stop and smell the roses. A rose is a great description of my dear friend. She was beautiful and at times guarded. She was very private and only trusted a select few with her inner thoughts. If you were fortunate enough to be one then realize you are among a precious few. She was a rose. She was very noticeable, fragrant and full of life, and a lasting beauty. I appreciate her more with each passing memory and moment. Today, however, I feel the prick of the thorns as we mourn the loss of her young and fragrant life. My heart aches so deeply; I have been at a loss all day. It was difficult to focus on work duties with Facebook posts and messages, texts, and phone calls. My heart hurts for myself and for all who know and love Jenni Bryant. Most importantly my heart aches for her parents and her sister.

For the record, THIS I don't get....But I am trying.

After work I was having a very difficult time wrapping my mind around this sudden loss, so I dug out my yearbooks. As I glanced through them for pictures and messages, I see a message from my dear sweet friend as well as two other messages that interconnect so profoundly today. It has been so many years since they had been written, yet they are supremely significant. today One message was written by a boy with whom things "didn't work out" and he tells me "to stop and smell the roses so that life does not pass me by...to call him even if to say hi...much love, ...". Then another written beside his, tells me how there is "someone" out there for me one day. Finally, the one from Jenni about how our friendship is so important. She is wrote about how long we had been friends and how we had brought so much fun and happiness into each others lives.

Ironically, today I am dating that "boy" who told me to stop and smell the roses, chatted with the one friend today that told me "one day I would meet my guy", and now I am left with only the memories of Jenni. These messages will be eternally engraved upon my heart. Life will definitely pass you by with not one moments notice, so, embrace it and do not forget to enjoy it with others.

I am stopping to smell the roses...I just wish that last week when thoughts of Jenni  had crossed my mind so abruptly, I would have contacted her. But I can rest knowing that she knew how I felt about her and that her friendship was always near and dear to my heart. In our earlier years, I think I understood her ups and downs more than most. I knew her secrets and she knew mine. When you belong to a community, like the one we grew up in, you understand that bond that holds us all together. Today that bond has been relevant and prevalent as it rings loud and clear and stronger than ever. I hope Jenni understood the power and privilege that came with being a Bluff Rat, if she didn’t then she is looking down upon us all and seeing it now.
 
Jenni and I were always able to pick up right where we left off. We stayed in touch throughout the years and shared things as they came up, for example major changes, loves, losses, etc. Her smile never disappointed a soul and lifted your spirits the minute you saw it. With the body of a ballerina and the hair of a goddess, she knew how to get the attention of an entire room. Many guys over the years have confessed their crushes to me, I had to deliver the news to them today too. Then as I was recalling all those whom I had not contacted, another message came through stating "call me ###..." So began another walk down memory lane with laughter, tears, and disbelief. It is moments like that which heal the soul and allow our feeble minds to grasp such a sudden loss. Our hearts, however, may take a little longer to catch on.

Jenni,

From your long fuzzy braids of yesteryear to your attempt at being a blonde, which turned a very bright orange for a short time, to your bright white smile, and finally your amazing business endeavors and love for animals…you were a force. It is a privilege to be called your friend. (For the record I know you would so quickly remove this pic! But I posted it anyway!)

I remember all the silly dances we made up to Madonna songs, changing the words to other songs to leave messages for those who would call. I remember being at the beach in your truck quite often. I also remember having to help you clean out the horse stall so we could go out and do those things. I had never in my life cleaned a horse stall. There are so many memories flooding me right now that we could stay awake an entire weekend laughing and talking and never cover them. We spent so much time together and I will treasure each and every memory.

All our lives are better for having known and loved you. The loss of your light in this world leaves us all a little dimmer, yet more appreciative of the time we have. We will honor your memory and your family and friends. We will do you as proud as you have us. You grew into such an amazing woman in business and in your home life. You were so full of life and love. You leave a void that will not be able to find its fill. I will miss you!

Forever your friend, Chel

 

My Meal Planner-Self

I have always wanted to dig deeper into my "planner-self" and plan my meals ahead. Preparing and cooking them for easy re-heat will help on my dinner bill. Since I need to nurture this inner planner, I have decided I am going to plan my meals further ahead. The meals I am going to prepare are:

Chicken Enchiladas (boy it has been a very long time since I have made these)

Moussaka (takes a long time to prepare so relish every bite)

Drip Beef (because it is always good to have on hand for sandwiches, stroganoff, or served over egg noodles)

Homemade Chicken Pot Pie (been a very long time)

Zucchini Pie (but this you need to eat fresh not precooked)

Picnic Potatoes (oh it's been so long I sure miss these)

Rosemary Pork Tenderloin

Sauteed Chicken Tenders in White Wine Mushroom Sauce with Rice Pilaf

I could go on but these are a few of my favorite things!

Now let's see if time permits,
Chel

Valentine's Day: Observations

Today I stopped into a bakery because I gave into my sweet tooth (I know, I know!) There were two ladies behind the counter. While one lady was helping me, her co-worker asked her if the shoes she had on were her new ones. I noticed that they were a very nice pair of Nike running shoes. She cracked me up when she stated that they came with purple shoe laces which she switched out for white ones because she felt like Barney! I had to laugh out loud since my daughter grew up on Barney which told me her age!!! I felt old, anyway, my laughter had drawn attention to me, so she looked me in the eye and said, "THESE are what I got for Valentine's Day from my husband and they are NOT very romantic."

Female Perspective Key Observation: Women, most women, adore romance, even long for it in a way that speaks to them.

While that perspective is spot-on allow me to also share the rest of her story:

"My husband told me (evidently she had complained) "You always said that the foundation of a good gift was one that you would not get for yourself but truly wanted." She agreed with him but again stated to me that it was not very romantic.

She told me he explained further, "Honey you needed new tennis shoes, I saw that you really liked these. Plus, I knew you would not buy them for yourself." Again she looked at me and stated that it was not very romantic. Plus, this was the second time he purchased shoes for her on what she felt was a major event.

My mind, believe it or not, when to the male perspective and my heart ached a little for him:

Ladies!!! Pay attention here: Yes, it would have been more romantic if inside the shoe there was a note instructing her to take a walk which would lead her down a path upon which she would find a picnic with all her favorite foods that he would then feed to her.... eh hem, just a suggestion...Now, back to his perspective:

1. He LISTENED to her. He listened, listened, listened....WOW!

2. He knew her shoe size!!! I love Love LOVE shoes, perhaps a little too much, but he knew her shoe size!!!!

3. He quoted her BECAUSE HE LISTENED!!

I think she completely missed the point as we all do from time to time. But the thing I took away was that he had listened. We must notice more often when someone has listened to us and then ask ourselves how well we actually listen.

I hope to always be mindful and notice these very key points from another person's perspective and be ever so grateful when "he" listens!

I'm outta here!
Chel

Happy Valentine's Day!! Tell me how your loved one listened today!