The Rose Colored Mountain Range

Mountains are beautiful and each one is unique, like you, like me. Mountains can also be too large to conquer and offer all kinds of danger. But I have a tendency to see through Rose Colored Glasses so my vision is altered at times. I see the beautiful sunsets and tall trees and look not at the dangers before me. I have learned a lot; I just hope my vision hasn't been completely damaged in the process.

I don't know why I keep on believing you need me
When you've proved so many times that it ain't true
And I can't find one good reason for staying
Maybe by leaving would be the best for you

But these rose colored glasses
That I'm looking through
Show only the beauty
'Cause they hide all the truth

And they let me hold on to the good times, good lines
The ones I used to hear when I held you
And they keep me from feeling so cheated, defeated
When reflections in your eyes show me a fool

These rose colored glasses
That I'm looking through
Show only the beauty
'Cause they hide all the truth

So I just keep on hopin', believing
That maybe by counting the many times, I've tried
You'll believe me when I say, I love you
And I'll lay these rose colored glasses aside

These rose colored glasses
That I'm looking through
Show only the beauty
'Cause they hide all the truth

(Rose Colored Glasses by John Conlee)

This year I have learned that when someone tells you that they are not the kind of person you think they are, you should listen to them. They are likely a better of judge of their own character than you are. I fought that vision for months. I saw the inner workings of this man's heart through rose colored glasses but with each day my lenses were getting scratched and marred. At his core he is good, very good, tender, and sweet, but fear and doubt guided his path. His glasses were much too dark to walk the path he chooses and often misses the beauty before him. The dangers he saw were not as dark and gloomy as he perceived, whereas mine were not as rosy as they appeared to be. I knew what he wanted deep down and he knew it at times too. He confided in me and shared his own deep dark secrets. I have also learned that just because someone confesses things they once did, it doesn't mean they are immune from doing it again...none of us. We all make mistakes but some mistakes are avoidable with a little will power. Some mistakes are inevitable until we address the flaw in our character that makes us repeat offenders. 

Our own issues are like a mountain range full of dangers from falling rocks, false plateaus, steep cliffs, and horseshoe turns. The fact that I wear these Rose Colored Glasses causes me to be in harms way constantly. My daddy always said my Rose Colored Glasses were a permanent fixture. They remain on me today but I am learning how to lay these rose colored glasses aside.

The dangers of the falling rocks within our selves are the unavoidable dangers that happen to us. One can fall at any time, but we must keep in mind that we had been warned. There were signs along the way, but we journey on because "it won't happen to us". "He wouldn't do that to ME." We see only the beauty but hide all the truth. Falling rocks will always take you by surprise and you might be able to get out of harms way fast enough. I relate the falling rocks to the first verse of the song because of the denial of the danger and the ability to keep pressing forward:

I don't know why I keep on believing you need me

When you've proved so many times that it ain't true

And I can't find one good reason for staying

Maybe by leaving would be the best for you

The dangers of the false plateaus lie within the fact that it is difficult to detect their existence until you have reached it. This would be compared to the dreams of the future and leading someone to believe they are on the same page. It is much like telling another person all the plans you have for the rest of your lives TOGETHER then saying...nah, this may not be what I want. You will leave this person on a false plateau and worse than that you leave them alone. They have been lead to this place expecting a certain scenery then all the sudden the curtain raises....False plateaus remind me of this verse:

 And they let me hold on to the good times, good lines

The ones I used to hear when I held you

 And they keep me from feeling so cheated, defeated

 When reflections in your eyes show me a fool

The dangers of the steep cliffs are not always evident nor are you always warned. I have actually known someone who survived falling from a steep cliff. I relate the cliff to the wishy-washy person in your life. Sometimes there is a warning sometimes there is not. Sometimes there is protection from slipping off this cliff and sometimes there is not. A cliff is wishy-washy because it gets worn easily by the elements and the weather. One thing that is for certain, a cliff will lead to a very near death experience. I think this one relates to an entirely different song...George Jones, He Stopped Loving Her Today. I will save that for another post but I can tell you that day definitely hurts!


The dangers of the horseshoe turn is that you find yourself nearly right back where you started! You make it through the turn hoping not to lose cargo or slip off the path. There is always a sign warning about the approaching sharp turn. I lived off the devil's highway, (Hwy 666), when I lived in Arizona. This was a treacherous road and they warned truckers not to take it but often they would. If the trucks attempted the turns it would shut the entire highway down for a while. It was much too sharp for them. If they didn't make it, and many did not, then a life was usually lost. But see they always hoped and kept on believing that they could make it work so the horseshoe turn is much like the last verse of the song:

So I just keep on hopin', believing

That maybe by counting the many times, I've tried

You'll believe me when I say, I love you

And I'll lay these rose colored glasses aside

I sincerely hope that my vision remains clear and that I can make use of my rose colored glasses but also know when to lay them aside. The distorted vision from those beautiful glasses has ended up bringing a lot of heartache in my life. I now see that he never really fully loved himself so how could he have possibly loved me the way he proclaimed. (falling rocks) I now see that he wanted to give me all my heart desired but feared he couldn't do it, or live up (false plateau). I now see that he tried to warn me of the steep cliff but I pressed on. I also now see that I attempted the horseshoe turn and shut this highway to my heart down for a very long period. A life was lost; it was mine.

I hope that I never lose hope and that I will always believe the best in someone...until they prove otherwise. I pray for clear vision and that my heart will never stop smiling. The beautiful view provided by the Rose Colored Glasses is much like looking at someone and situations through the grace of Christ. You see only the beauty but He knows the truth.

On this I think I definitely had an Aha-Moment!
Love,
Chel

A Movable Mountain

A couple of Tuesday nights ago I decided to enjoy the night air and take my dog for a walk. Then with one look toward my possible future, I was immediately struck with despair. I felt as if my life had suddenly crashed down around me for good. The view that had once given me peace and serenity now appeared as an awful obstruction. My future was like a mountain whose terrain was altered overnight. I had zero energy left to finish my climb and even less hope of ever seeing what was on the other side. Feelings of abandonment and betrayal began to consume me; all my hopes felt as if they had been thrown from its peak. This mountain had been created upon deep love, friendship, and a lot of promises. It offered all the happiness I had longed for my entire adult life, but now the face of it had changed forever.


When I lived in Arizona, I experienced my first true betrayal. Last night I realized that Arizona was the place that yet another betrayal would develop. Sometimes I wish the following song were true: 

"There Ain't No Arizona."

If there was

A grand canyon

She could fill it up with the lies he's told her

But they don't exist

Those dreams he sold her

She'll wake up and find

There is no Arizona

(Might I also add, the devil may have gone to Georgia looking for a soul to steal, but he went to Arizona and struck up a few deals!)


My time living in Arizona had presented an expedition to climb a mountain which required experienced climbers. Unfortunately, that was a climb from which my marriage would never recover. About a year ago Arizona introduced a similar expedition, this time I had experience. I thought it would help.


When the journey began I was not alone. Two of us prepared by gearing up to climb this mountain together with determination. We did not seek to merely survive but to bring both our hopes to fruition. Surely I felt that the monsoons and falling rocks were nothing compared to what we would receive upon completion. To me, it seemed worth every step. What we were experiencing was purely circumstantial and we would not and should not be taken down by a few detours or storms. But as storms can do, they began to greatly alter our path and the mountain's terrain. All the experience, equipment, and expectations were proven to be less than adequate.Then the two of us began to slip and slip fast. We both made mistakes but the betrayal I would eventually realize would be equal to a second fall. However, this fall would be from a higher height and from a much different terrain. I had not been 100% sure that I would be able survive.


Yet here I am, dressed with fresh bandages from the appropriate medical care. While I had fallen from a great height, I did not fall all the way to my impending death. Through my loving care givers and the ultimate Care Giver, I have begun to realize that now I can finally see! Unbeknownst, to me, my mountain had begun to move! It occurred to me that I was rescued and would not have to continue this second climb. This reveals that His Word is true: He moves mountains without their knowing it and overturns them with His anger. (Job 9:5) 


You see, even if you have very little faith, you can say to the mountain MOVE and it will be moved! (paraphrased from Matthew 17:20) I had prayed that my ties would be released from this second climber who had left me alone with inadequate equipment while he continued his climb. Having been filled with a vision of my next resting point I was willing to continue. One of my true sisters and care giver related the story of the Lone Survivor to me. She explained that as these Seals journeyed to the next peak where they would find communication abilities for rescue. Upon arrival they quickly realized the plateau was false and it would lead the remaining survivor, the Lone Survivor, to journey the treacherous terrain alone. Make no mistake, I am no Marcus Luttrell or Navy Seal. But I know first hand what it feels like to be the lone survivor in a relationship, the one that put hope in the next spot only to find that it was false.


I still have a lot more to say about my expedition and the mountains I have had before me, but I will save it for another day. For now I leave you with this: When I began that second climb it was done with and FOR THE LOVE: Fear, Offense, Rejection, Tears, Helplessness, Emotion, Loneliness, Oppression, Vulnerability, Emptiness. But now that I can finally see, it is still going to be done with and FOR THE LOVE from a proper view point through: Faith, Optimism, Redemption, Thankfulness, Hope, Expectation, Love, Openness, Victory, Enthusiasm! Having experienced this climb before it was my belief that I had the proper perspective and expectation to safely make this journey.


It is my hope that you too may find healing in this and be able to see that mountains can actually be moved. Please stay with me as I continue to reveal what I have been shown on my journey, and as I look forward to the healing while embracing the care.

For His Glory,
Rachele